Honestly, “Difficult at Parties” was one of the harder short stories I’ve read. It’s not a surprise that in writing about the female experience, Machado would end up writing about something at least 1 in 5 women have experienced. It’s a story that you just have to sit with for a while. Though it is never outright stated what happened, the clues left for the reader are easy to pick up upon. From her partner’s caution after driving her home from the hospital and bruises, along with the officer who is mentioned once and never again, it is clear this was a sexual crime.
A protagonist who is recovering from a sexual assault by binging pornographic videos now suddenly hears the actors’ thoughts in these videos. To me, this felt like a way of conveying the disconnect and discomfort many victims of sexual assault can end up experiencing in an attempt to repair their lives. Hearing the voices prevents the protagonist from potentially gaining any sexual satisfaction from these videos. But because nothing else is working and the justice system for SA survivors is a joke, she continues to watch them and it becomes a coping mechanism itself.
The protagonist and her boyfriend, Paul, attend a housewarming party where a woman with pearls seems to be repeatedly putting the moves on Paul, who continuously rejects her advances. “She touches his arm familiarly; he bats her away with his hand. His muscles look taut enough to snap… The woman with the pearls touches Paul’s arm again. He shakes his head, almost imperceptibly. Who is she? Why is she–” (229). The protagonist and Paul haven’t slept together since she was assaulted, and Paul has been understanding and caring. But the protagonist still has a level of guilt for not being able to perform the expected duties she has as a woman in a romantic relationship. And in many of the videos she watches, many of the participants have very different internal feelings than what they are displaying. To me, this spoke to the expectations that are placed on those, especially women, who are in romantic/sexual relationships in their personal lives or on screen. These expectations seem to be what pushes the protagonist to initiate with Paul, even if she doesn’t feel 100% ready.
The story ends with the protagonist watching a video of herself and Paul having sex to see what they are thinking. I took this as a potential spark of hope for the protagonist to begin taking small but firm steps towards the healing process. Hearing what Paul is thinking may give her the reassurance that he does love her and is there to support her. Even if things are difficult for now.
Thanks for this, MJ. This is an insightful post on what is, as you suggest, a painful story.
Your analysis of this story is thorough. I didn’t personally catch on to the purpose of her being able to hear people’s thoughts except to allow for the final scene where she chooses to listen to Paul’s thoughts. I had a slightly less optimistic outlook on what the results of that would be, because while I do think Paul loved her, people don’t always think nice things all the time even when they love you (especially during difficult times), and I’m sure he would consider that an invasion of his privacy either way.
I too have it agree that I did not have an optimistic view when it came to Paul’s thoughts as well. While I do think that he loved the narrator, there were times where he felt frustrated with her because of his lack of understanding for what she was doing and how she was acting. While I do hope the narrator reading his thoughts was a positive experience for her to heal, I too was not expecting the best case scenario.